Emotional Autoimmunity

Navigating the emotional side of autoimmune diseasese.

Welcome to Emotional Autoimmunity.

Living with an autoimmune disease isn’t easy.

From knowing something is wrong but struggling to get a diagnosis, finding your way through the maze of treatment options to dealing with the impact on your relationships, family, work and finances.

As a Clinical Hypnotherapist, Counsellor and Life Coach, I wanted to understand what was happening to me emotionally and how I could help myself navigate the complex grief process that goes with chronic illness. There was no model out there that covered everything I was experiencing, so I created one.

Moving through the grief of Chronic Illness is a 9 phase model, from pre-diagnosis to acceptance, hope and resilience.

My goal is that this model can reach and help every single person who needs it, so it is FREE for you to download by signing up to my list. 

“Kerry, your chronic illness grief model is, in my humble opinion, literally ground-breaking. This is what all of us probably needed when we were first diagnosed. I knew this stages of grief thing was happening to me when I was deep in my early journey and tried to touch on it, but what you have fleshed out is much more accurate to what I think most of us experience than the traditional grief model. THANK YOU!” Angie Alt. Autoimmune Wellness. 

Three things you can do right now to reduce your anxiety

by Leave a Comment

If you have anxiety, then you know how all pervasive it can be.

From a low level background hum to churning in the pit of the stomach, shaky hands and full on panic attacks, you can experience anxiety in many different ways.
Generally, when people talk about reducing anxiety, they suggest things like meditating.
I don’t know about you, but trying to meditate actually makes me more anxious and I have tried lots of different meditation techniques over the years and none of them have helped me.
Which is why I want to share these three, easy things that you can do right now that will immediately start reducing your stress levels and easing your anxiety.

Step 1: Delete and unsubscribe.

How do you feel when you open up your email inbox each day?
Are you seeing a lean, tidy and organised space or are you overwhelmed with hundreds of unread emails, from the actually important ones to the things you subscribed to but never make the time to actually read?
Being faced with email overwhelm every time you log into your inbox is stressful and anxiety producing and it is a very easy fix.
By deleting and unsubscribing from unnecessary emails you will be saving yourself from a whole lot of unconscious stress, overwhelm and anxiety.

Be ruthless. If you are not actually going to read them or you do not need the information, delete and unsubscribe.

It is time well invested because the next time you log in to your email, you will immediately feel much less stress and anxiety. It also makes it easier to keep “pruning” your inbox as new emails come in, that you no longer want to receive or read. 

Step 2: Manage your Social Media.

Are there people that you follow on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter that create resentment, frustration or feeling less than stellar about yourself?

Are you overwhelmed with notifications from Facebook groups and pages and friends? If so, then any time you open social media, you are exposing yourself to more subliminal stress which raises anxiety levels.

Spend some time managing your social media by noticing how you feel. Unfollow pages or people, remove yourself from groups that are not giving value or creating drama. 

Unfriend people who are toxic or negative or needy. Lighten your stress level load so that you no longer feel overwhelmed, by managing your social media in a way that best suits you. This will reduce a huge load of unconscious stress that will really ease your anxiety.

Step 3: Manage your viewing habits. 

One of the biggest causes of stress and anxiety is right there on your television screen every night at 6pm or on a dedicated channel where you can view it every moment of the day.
Your friendly, neighbourhood news program.
Watching the news is a cause of a whole lot of unconscious stress and anxiety because it is showing you events like war, famine, accidents, death, illness, political issues and a whole lot of other distressing, anxiety provoking events that you have no control over.
Much of the news is either distressing, upsetting, frustrating or fear producing which raises the bodies chemical fight or flight response, increasing stress and anxiety.
I stopped watching the news well over 8 years ago and it really made a huge difference to my life and stress levels. I can still find out what I need to know, and it has added greatly to my peace of mind.

Different situations in your life can also change how your body reacts to certain programs. For example, when I developed chronic illness and the adrenal fatigue that went with it, I found that I could no longer tolerate shows that I used to watch.

Prior to Hashimoto’s, I was a big fan of “The Walking Dead” and was looking forward to the new season. When I started watching though, I just couldn’t handle it. The fear factor and adrenaline reactions were so unpleasant and debilitating that I had to stop watching.

I find now that my viewing habits are very different. I like entertaining or uplifting shows, am very much enjoying watching re-runs of shows on Netflix that I loved from the past (Hello Star Trek all series and seasons) and I am a very conscious consumer of what I view.
Take the time to notice how what you are viewing is affecting your mind, body and stress levels and make some changes.

It is well worth the small amount of time invested!

Taking these 3 simple steps will greatly reduce your overall stress and anxiety levels and highlight where your true stress may be coming from. 

If you are like most people, then it’s due to past trauma, toxic or difficult relationships, faulty thinking patterns or worrying to much about what people think of you.

If you are struggling with stress, problems in your relationship, feeling unsupported or misunderstood, anxious, overwhelmed or stuck then you don’t have to do it alone!

Book your FREE 20 minute Discovery Session with me now, anywhere in the world!

Because its absolutely certain that your life will be so much better without all that stress and anxiety!
Here is what one of my clients has to say about working with me.
“It has been an absolute blessing for me to have you as a therapist. You have lived up to your promises from our first evaluation session, and I feel that you have contributed to making not only my life, but my wife’s life as well, to be much better and well equipped to face challenges up ahead.
I’m forever thankful.” Will. 
Kerry Jeffery

What we think you should know about chronic illness.

by Leave a Comment

Chronic illness is forever.

Symptoms may come and go, energy and mood and abilities can and do fluctuate and it can often feel like the only people who really do understand what you are feeling is other people who have chronic illness.

The model we have for illness in our society is pretty basic. You get sick and you recover or you get sick and you die. Unless you have an obvious, visible disability or sign of the illness, it becomes invisible. As the people living in our bodies, we know how it feels, we know how much it can change day to day or even, moment to moment and we need to make many compromises, changes and adaptations to continue to live and function as best and happily as we can.

I recently asked my wonderful Facebook community to share what they believe people should really know and understand about life with chronic illness and the response was amazing. I am sharing all the responses here and I know that they come from the heart.

Life with chronic illness is that much harder when the people around you just don’t seem to understand or even want to understand.

So if you have someone with chronic illness in your life, a partner, friend, family member or co-worker, here is what we really think you should know.

 

So many things, but starting basic: that it’s CHRONIC. No tricks, just the actual definition of long-lasting or recurring, perpetual, continuing indefinitely. No matter how many times I try to say or explain that I have a chronic illness, there is still an attitude of, “oh, you’re still sick? You should be better by now.”

It’s not a choice, I’m not being lazy.

Oi – so many things. For me, it changes everything! What you eat, where you go, how you plan and most importantly, who you are.

Our ‘normal’ is not the same as your ‘normal’.

That you miss who you used to be. The person that was carefree. The person that could travel the world, have dinner with friends and just smile and enjoy the flow. It would be great if I didn’t have to plan every event, to make sure that I can eat something when I get there, or make sure I have enough energy to get through the outing. That hearing you need to “toughen up and think positive” doesn’t change the fatigue or pain or illness. As we are trying, that every time we dream up a new plan for curing ourselves with lifestyle choices. It takes positive thinking and hope to dream up the next plan. For me I must be up to plan 212 by now.

Continue Reading

My biggest block to going AIP and how I overcame it.

by Leave a Comment

My biggest block to going AIP

There is no doubt that when it comes to chronic autoimmune conditions, that inflammation is the biggest cause of symptoms and pain. One of the most non-invasive and side effect free ways to reduce inflammation, is to make the choice to change to a healing diet.

One of the very first choices that I made when I was physically and cognitively disabled at the height of the Hashimoto’s crisis I experienced, was changing my diet to the AIP (Paleo Autoimmune Protocol.)

The AIP has been specifically designed to eliminate all known and suspected inflammatory foods, help heal a leaky gut and give the body nutrient density to help it heal and recover.

At first glance, going AIP can look daunting. When you feel that so much has already been taken from you by disease, giving up your familiar, comforting foods can feel like yet another loss that seems too much to bear.

What made the decision easier for me, was to see that out of all of the positive and inspiring stories and research that I read, AIP was the common denominator in helping to create healing, better quality of life and in many cases, even complete remission.

My situation felt so desperate, that I was willing to do whatever it took to try to get my life and health back. Eating with my personally modified version of AIP is now completely normal for me. I enjoy the food that I eat and I do not feel deprived.

Do I miss the convenience of being able to eat whatever I want, wherever I want? Absolutely!  I would be lying if I said that not being able to eat out at any restaurant or sharing meals made by others who still eat gluten, grains, soy, dairy and other foods I react to, is always easy.

However, now that I have experienced the impact on my body, mobility, mood, motivation and health of the food choices that I make, there is no temptation. I do not want to lose what it has taken me all this time to regain.

Everyone has their own blocks and challenges to going AIP. There are many different stories and experiences of making the switch, from easy, challenging or completely resistant.

It’s important to remember that AIP is NOT forever! You begin careful reintroductions of food after 30 days or when you begin to see an improvement in your symptoms. After going through the reintroduction process you will come out with a personalised template of what you can eat without inflaming your body or triggering autoimmune symptoms.

I asked 11 amazing bloggers to share what their biggest blocks were to going AIP and how they overcame them and this is what they had to say.

 

Blogger: Joanna Frankham of joannafrankham.com

 

What was the biggest block I had to changing my diet to AIP?

I think my biggest block was fear of failure. Or, perhaps, false hope. To be honest, after more than two decades of undiagnosed HS (Hidradenitis Suppurativa), I was prepared to give anything a go. I felt the inconvenience of an elimination diet couldn’t come close to the pain, shame and despair that HS causes. (Turns out I was right, too!)

I eased into my elimination experience in phases. First I gave up dairy and gluten, then I went paleo, and then I went the whole hog; for 9 months. AIP has totally changed my life.

How did I get myself through it?

Before AIP, I was the girl who dined out 3 or 4 nights every week. I was a serious foodie. Of course, this wasn’t possible on an elimination diet, so I made it my personal mission to create food that I really wanted to eat. That meant spending time in my kitchen. As it happens, that was pretty easy for me, but it was also fun. Visiting our local farmers market was already a part of our weekly routine, too.

The thing about an elimination diet is that it’s very easy to focus on all the foods you can’t eat. Really, this protocol is all about adding nutrients. So, that’s what I did – I started fermenting vegetables, making oodles of bone broth for nutrient dense soups and stews, concocting new ways to get more vegetables into my diet, making pâté. I made this a priority.

It also really helped that my partner, David was so supportive. I do most of the cooking, but he was completely open to trying new foods. Now, he’d rather eat liver than a steak, and he’s become a gummy connoisseur! 

Continue Reading

Why you need to stop apologising for having chronic illness.

by Leave a Comment

When I first became chronically ill, I found myself apologising a lot.

I apologised for crying and because I cried with most of the people I know, I spent a lot of time apologising.

I apologised to my children because I felt awful that they were seeing me so sick and helpless.

I apologised for having to ask my family and friends for help because I was unable to do things myself.

I apologised because my energy was so low and I was feeling so sick, that I was not able to speak on the phone for longer than 5 minutes.

I apologised because in some way, I felt like I was letting everyone down by being sick.

Chronic illness, especially when it is invisible to others, has a way of making you feel so much less than you were before that it can start to lead you down a very deep, dark and dangerous emotional path that is full of guilt and self-doubt.

You can become keenly aware of how your life used to be, who you used to be, and how your life is so different now. 

You can start to feel like a burden to the people who love you, so that part of you wants to offer them an “out” of the relationship because after all, no one wants to be stayed with out of pity. 

You can feel so different, so changed and so less than who you were before, that you begin to wonder if you are actually damaging the people who you love. You start wondering what it will do to your children or your partner to be saddled with someone who is no longer able to do or be who they were before. 

Then those thoughts and doubts and fears can become incredibly overwhelming and lead to more anxiety, more depression, more grief and loss and pain which adds to the overwhelm you are already feeling.

This reaction is a completely normal part of experiencing a difficult or traumatic life changing event. What is different is that when it comes to developing chronic illness, the emotional and psychological effects are not acknowledged by the majority of the medical profession.

Which means that for the large majority of people with chronic illness, the very real and life changing impact of what is happening to you is completely trivialised and ignored, so it can feel like there is no one who actually understands the enormity of what you are dealing with or going through.

I knew that something earth shattering had happened to me, but at the time, it felt like I was the only person who had any idea of what I was going through, which only added to my feeling of helplessness, isolation and fear.

So I started reaching out. I started talking to anyone willing to speak to me about what they had experienced and what they did that helped.

Just knowing that there were others out there going through the complex grieving process that I was experiencing, helped me start adjusting, start adapting and start getting back in control of my life.

I stopped apologising because I realised I had nothing to apologise for.

I didn’t ask for chronic illness and it is not something I would have willingly chosen for myself. I would not have wished it on my worst enemy!

But it is now part of me and part of my life and part of who I am, in the same way that any other big, challenging event in my life has helped shape and change me as a person.

Chronic illness is not your fault.

Chronic illness is not something that you are deliberately inflicting on your partner, children, friends and family.

It does not make you any less worthy, loveable or deserving than how you were before.

Apologising at the heart of it is saying “I have done something wrong. I am at fault. I am to blame.”

You need to stop apologising because it just keeps feeding the belief that this is somehow your fault or that you are somehow hurting or damaging the people who love you.

So here is what you can do instead:

  • Acknowledge your illness and any limitations you have. They need to be discussed with the people you love in a factual, practical way, exactly as you would have to do with any other life changing event. This is what I have. This is how it affects me. This is what we need to talk about managing now.

 

  • Get over your guilt! This is not something you are inflicting on others. This is something that has happened to you that you are doing the very best you can to deal with. You have nothing to feel guilty about. If you are stuck in guilt, watch this webinar recording which will help you understand it and get past it. Feeling guilty?

 

  • Don’t expect people to understand or just “get” what you are going through. They can’t. Until you experience chronic illness, it is something that you will really struggle to understand. Educate them instead. Help them understand that it is not you, it is the condition and that you are now living within different parameters.

There will be some open, honest conversations that you need to have, some of which may feel incredibly difficult. They can however make your relationships deeper and closer than they were before.

Being chronically ill is not something that you need to apologise for.

It is something beyond your control that has happened to you and that you need to find a way to accept and adapt to.

Don’t spend another moment apologising. Save that for when you really have done something you need to be accountable for.

If you found value in this post, please, share it with your friends.

Kerry.